Mr. Henly,

I have a question.

3 weeks ago I gave my boyfriend chlamydia. We stayed together, and although he was initially angry he's been really great. I want to get him a present to apologize. Can you help me come up with a gift that says "Sorry I gave you chlamydia?"

I know they say that chlamydia is the gift that keeps on giving... but I'm hoping for something better to show him how much I appreciate him not freaking out too much that I gave him slut rabies.

Signed,

Ms. Charlotte Ho

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Dear Ms. Ho,

All men fantasize about with being a skanky hooker at least once in their lives. It's the threat of catching the slut rabies that keeps us from fulfilling that fantasy. Since you've already been a big skank and gave him the "Big C", why not make the boy's dreams come true? Buy him a hooker and bring her (or "him" if he's so inclined) home.

Just be sure to hide all your prescription medication beforehand.

Happy Hooker Hunting!

Mr. Henly.